


this heart bleeds

by orphan_account



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, actions have consequences, berserkers r a thing of nightmares, some things you dont immediately bounce back from
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:35:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25137793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: For a regular girl (and that is certainly what Kira is), when your boyfriend stabs you, it hurts.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar & Kira Yukimura, Stiles Stilinski & Kira Yukimura
Kudos: 13





	this heart bleeds

**Author's Note:**

> this just basically came from me watching the berserker episode(s) n thinking to myself hey... what if this rlly fucked kira up for a while

Kira is in love with Scott.

Kira _should be_ in love with Scott.

Which one is the lie, she wonders.

Kira is in love with Scott, _but_ -

(He stabs her with the knife- fang- bone _thing_. It goes through her chest with ease and she can barely even muster the will to scream with how shocked she is.

The entire time she is looking into his eyes. _His_ eyes. Scott's eyes.

"Scott." She says, like it might save him. "Scott, it's _me._ "

It doesn't save. And his eyes start to resemble something else.)

But she can't look him in the eyes anymore.

Kira should be in love with Scott, _but_ -

(She wakes up crying. It's a slow waking, painful and aching.

There is an abyss in her dreams, in her nightmares, and every night she falls deeper.

Sometimes there is a hole in her chest and she is screaming and no one comes to find her.

Sometimes her chest is whole but Scott's dark eyes are watching her from a distance and she is dying _anyway._

Some mornings her own voice wakes her up ("It's me! It's me, please!"), leaves her throat raw and damaged.

Some days she spends hours in the bathroom staring at her reflection in the mirror and thinking _this is irreversible._ )

But she doesn't feel safe around him anymore.

Kira doesn't know how to act around Scott.

It's hurting him, she can tell, the way she keeps herself at arms length at all times.

Malia looks at her sometimes like she's frustrated, like she wishes Kira would just let things go back to normal.

But normal is something she doesn't understand anymore, something she hasn't understood in a long time.

Normal ended with the sparks and the eyes and the fact that her mother is nine hundred years old.

Scott looks at Kira and she flinches. Normal might not ever come back.

"I get it." Liam says one day. "I see them everywhere."

Kira looks at him calculatingly, feels her heart slip in and out of regular time. "See what?"

"The berserkers. I can't _not_ see them. Sometimes I still have to keep my light on when I sleep because when it's dark I- they just show up." He replies, a little hesitantly, though she can tell he's at least learning to come to terms with it.

"Oh." She exhales, and wonders if she's been so transparent that Liam of all people could pick up on what was bothering her. "It's a little... different... for me."

"I know." He admits. "You see Scott don't you?"

Her breath gets caught in her throat.

She hasn't said it out loud, what she dreams about at night, what she sees when she closes her eyes. She didn't want to. She didn't want to tell Scott and break his heart, tell her friends and change the atmosphere of the group.

She holds it to her heart, like a secret, and most days all it does is sting.

"Yes." She whispers, the word slipping out so much easier than she would have expected. "Whenever I see his eyes I see _his eyes,_ I see berserker Scott, and I know that's not fair to him, because he wasn't in control, he didn't _know._ But... but every time I look at him I can feel the stab wound in my chest like he's doing it all over again. I don't know how to stop that, I don't know how to look at Scott and just see Scott... not anymore."

Liam nods, even if he can't fully understand. "That sounds worse."

Kira cracks a small, sad smile. "It's _all_ bad, Liam. For you, for me. It's all bad."

Learning to pick yourself up after something traumatising is not something Kira knows how to do, not like the other kids do.

Kira has not seen Lydia smile since she met her. Lydia is still somehow functioning like she should, but Kira wonders how longs it's been since she's been genuinely happy.

She doesn't ask, she doesn't want to pop the bubble Lydia's so carefully crafted. If she asks, Lydia might notice, and then it might all come falling down around her.

Kira doesn't know how to make her happy either, how to make her laugh.

Allison would've known, she thinks, but Allison is dead.

So she goes to talk to Stiles instead.

"Do you get nightmares ever?" She asks.

She doesn't know Stiles beyond the fact that he's Scott's best friend and Malia's boy _something,_ but a start is a start.

"Well, yeah. I get that nightmare where all my teeth fall out pretty often. I've almost learnt to look forward to it now, it's like my subconscious is dropping in this treat once a month just incase my life ever gets too boring. Not that it ever is boring, but I can appreciate the consistency of it."

Stiles laughs a bit then, but sobers up quick when he realises Kira's face is scrunched up into something a too serious for a casual discussion of dreams.

"You remember what happened with the berserkers before? When Scott was one?"

Stiles nods, mouth twisting a bit. He probably already knows where this is going.

"Did he ever tell you what happened... with me? Before everything went down with Peter?" She questions, voice quiet now.

Stiles is stiff. "No..."

"He tried to kill me. I think. Kate made him do it, obviously, but, he _did_ do it. Stabbed me right here," She pokes a finger at her chest as she says this, "with this bone knife thing. The whole time I was trying to- I was hoping I could get through to him. Nothing worked. So he just- he just stabbed me and then left me there. And like, compared to everything we've been through so far maybe it's not the worst thing ever but it was so- it was _him._ It was _personal._ He looked me in the eyes as he did it, and I can't get it out of my head now, that memory of him, those eyes."

Stiles is left reeling at her confession.

She's vaguely aware that maybe it was unfair for her unload all of this onto him so suddenly, but she was tired of carrying the burden of it alone. He's been through worse, hasn't he? If anyone can give her any advice on how to fix things, it should be him, shouldn't it?

"I- You- Is that what your nightmares about? They're about-"

"-him. They're all about him."

There is a horrible, deafening silence as Stiles fully absorbs her words, what they mean, how they change things.

He blinks, his expression shifting into something away from shock and closer to pity.

She thinks she could appreciate it, the worry and the sympathy.

"Have you told him?"

"How could I? I'd just break his heart, and that's the _last_ thing I want."

Stiles gives her this look then, like she should know better.

"This isn't about him, Kira." He says, using a tone she's heard from her father when he's lecturing her about something. "This is about you. He hurt you, whether he intended to or not. Those kind of actions have consequences, and he has to face them, even if he didn't do it knowingly. He should know how this is affecting you."

That, she hadn't expected from him at all.

What Stiles didn't know about Kira though, was that she was a coward.

She would much rather suffer in silence than tell a difficult truth.

Inaction, she learns, has consequences too.

Lacrosse is still going. She's still on the team.

So is Scott.

It's just practise, but Kira's nerves go haywire as if it's a real game.

Scott is _running_ at her and she accidentally stares straight into his eyes.

Before he's even anywhere close, she feels the phantom pain blossom. She can't help it, she clutches at her chest and drops to her knees.

Her lungs are working, she knows this, but she gasping for air anyway like something's stopping her.

(Like there is a knife lodged in her chest.)

Coach is yelling something from behind her, and she can hear people scrambling around her but she can't _breathe._

Scott reaches a hand out but-

("Wait, it's me! It's-")

Liam is suddenly hauling her to her feet and helping her off the field, shouting something at the team as they make their way back into the school.

"Kira? Hey, can you hear me? We're inside now, you're fine, _breathe._ "

She would, if she could just remember how.

Her hands clutch desperately at a weapon that isn't there, at a wound that's already gone.

Stiles appears at her other side at this point, grabbing tightly at one of her hands to steady her. "Kira, breathe. Deep breath in, and then out, okay? In, then out. Right, that's right! Just like that, just keep doing it like that."

In.

(There is no light where she is. Just blood and pain and a hole in her chest and those _eyes_.)

Out.

("Scott, please!" She says, over and over and over, but no one is listening anymore.)

Kira remembers how to breathe, and how to cry too.

"I'm sorry." Scott says one day, so sudden it makes Kira jump.

Kira can look at him now, even if she doesn't quite get to his eyes yet. "Do you even know what you're apologising for?"

"Not exactly, but, I can tell you're scared. And I hate that it's because of me."

When he's like this, it's quite clear to her how she fell in love with him in the first place. How could she not?

This might be beyond love though, she thinks.

"Okay, we- yeah, we definitely need to talk."

And she talks. She tells him about the nightmares and the memories and what his eyes look like to her now. She doesn't tell him she's sorry, even though she is, because she doesn't want to have to apologise for this. She confides in him, differently than she did with Liam or Stiles. She shares the darker parts of the story, because she wants him to know. Him only.

He takes it all in with a frown. She doesn't need to be a werewolf to sense his anguish, his sadness, his guilt. She can read it all in his face, in his posture. It makes her want to tell him it's okay, that it's alright, it makes her want to kiss him and make it better. But she knows it won't fix anything, it won't make him feel any differently and it won't make her okay again. She does hold his hand though, squeezing it hard. She needs that more than he does.

"I'm sorry." He says again. "I know there's nothing I can do to fix this but I- if you need me to do something to help you feel better I'll do it."

Kira breathes in, deep, shuts her eyes for a moment.

When she opens them, she searches for his face.

She lands on his chin, then wanders up to his mouth, then his nose. She stops there to take it all in, the expression on his face, his features. She hasn't taken a good look at Scott in so long.

He's handsome, she realises, even though she's known this the whole time.

"You don't need to do anything, Scott." She replies, soft. "I just need some space, and some time."

She doesn't look try looking him in the eyes again until two weeks later.

(Her hand twitches, her heart goes _thump thump thump,_ her chest is still intact.)

"Nothing." She mutters in relief.

Liam grins. Stiles throws his fist in the air.

Scott _glows._


End file.
